You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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