I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
