if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
