if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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