I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
