Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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