please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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