Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
