Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
