Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
