So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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