I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i think i have herpe
just one?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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