you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
