I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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