I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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