Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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