I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
