I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
