we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
