is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
