Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
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sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
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I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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