I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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