I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
