So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
