i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
