I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You're like the curious george of whores
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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