all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
