The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
