Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
