The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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