you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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