you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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