well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
