After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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