Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
