I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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