it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
