i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We need a shit load of segways right now
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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