Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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