ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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