I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I hate all girls vehemently.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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