She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
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ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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