I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
