i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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