Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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