I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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