is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
