One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
