so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I have feelings that need drinking.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
