She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
