I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
