i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
