Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
