I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
