Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
