We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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