I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
