Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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