Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
