what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I should be sponsored by Trojan
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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