vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
