I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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