I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
