Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
