I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
